The razor, wax or let it grow.

Well good morning Loves! I know, I know! It has almost been a month but no fret my pets. Today as promised like many months ago I will talk about the beautiful life of hair removal. Ahhhhhhh, the weekly or bi-weekly, daily or whenever I give two fries about body grooming chore for so many people. But before we get all caught up in methods, who in the lamas of Costa Rico, told us we have to do this?

Picture this 4000 B.C.

I imagine that this was some type of way to torture a woman during the witch trials and then they saw the leg was kind of nice without hair. Or maybe it was a woman who got her long leg hair caught in the reins while jumping off a horse, causing serious injury by ripping a 2 by 3 patch of hair off her leg. I don’t know if these things happened, but I would love for it to have some beautiful meaning or a great purpose. Other than, we were hairy and we got tired of the hair. But sorry, but as far back as the Egyptians they were shaving to prevent lice and other vermin. Not real romantic but I guess no one is sexy with leg and back lice. Unless you like that type of thing.

A rushed Dream

When I was a kid, I could not wait to start shaving. Like when you wanted to be an adult because no one could tell you what to do. But in actuality more people tell you what to do as an adult than as a kid. Yeah I want a redo on that but back to shaving. I saw my mother with smooth long legs. I would sneak and shave my legs rubbing them in all happiness. Like this is so awesome. I was smooth like the wood floor at grandmas. Don’t judge I was like 7! Not a whole lotta smooth interaction by then. Anywho, my mother caught me and like most parents she put the razor in a different location I couldn’t reach and talk to me about how important it was to not rush growing up. She said blah blah and blah and periods and moles and something about dyes and lipstick. I did not listen. I just wanted to know when. She told you would know when.

Princess wake up you look like a Wolf

One hot Mississippi Summer day I woke up and my legs were attacked by a wooly mammoth and his children. Call 911 and the Smithsonian! Now as a kid my hair was this ugly sandy orange and brown color. But my leg hair was black as new coal! I was in shock that something happened to my leg hair. The hair under my arms also changed. Now I am not sure if this was the how I would know stage but this was gross. This was not the how I would know stage. This was I just paid attention because my mother informed me that my leg hair has always been that black. What was I doing, was I so caught up with being a kid, I forgot about the hair. Or did some bulb turn on in my head that made me hate what I saw. Lawd, it look like I was turning into the Werewolf that was from America but was visiting Paris. I mean I had the widow peek and the thickest eyebrows on a child. All I needed now was some canine teeth and a tail and I was all set for a stunt double for Michael Jackson in Thriller. Because I was so disgusted with what I saw, my mom let me shave. YAY!!!!

It looked like Texas chainsaw in that bathroom

Okay how was I so good at 7 and now at 11, it looked like I went to Jurassic Park that morning got into it with a T-Rex. Dear Mother Mary, why are my ankles so difficult to get around. I had more cuts and nicks than the law allowed. I am convinced that if this happened today my mother would have lost custody of me. I used darn near an entire box of Band-Aids. It was so pitiful but baby was I proud. I could not wait until the next time I could shave my legs. It was a new bracket of ladyhoodom, like wearing a bra without the padding. It was awesome, painfully awesome but none the less the best thing ever.

 

Fast forward to Wax!

Someone introduced me to wax in my last year of high school. Not, my legs but my brows and before then my eyebrows look like they were making a lot of bad decisions. This was awesome it hurt just enough for me to be okay with this act.  Then one day I allowed someone to talk me into putting wax somewhere else. Exhale on my whoo-ha! This was the most painful and unnecessary act of body torture I have ever endured. I would rather hit my pinky toe on the corner of the door than get this done. I rather burn my tongue then bite my tongue in the same spot. I rather get hit by a car with my older sister driving. I can say that because my older sister ran over me with a car November 13, 1993. Yeah that hurt less.

Who in their right mind looked at that delicate flower and said lets slap some hot wax on it and snatch the hell out it? Who in their right mind thought that this was the easy way out of shaving? Who in the name of baby Moses in a basket floating down the river, would call this grooming? This is torture if I have never seen it. I would rather be in a jungle barefoot for 2 hours than having someone snatch hot wax off my orchid. All I can say is imagine your lady part being exposed in an awkward position, some young girl or middle age woman who is about 125lbs. soak and weight, is taking a spatula and rubbing hot wax on your most precious and sensitive body part and then she yanks a tiny strip of mummy wrapping paper off of you. As she is yanking, she turns into a MMA fighter and she basically suplex your vagina. You’re seconds from tapping out. You want to give up but you don’t want to look like a baby. I am just being honest with you. If someone says it is not that bad, they are aliens and you should run. You’re welcome! Just know if you get this done, you will get handled by a 125lbs super villain. But hey if you like that type of pain go on with it baby. All judgement here!!!! I mean I’m going to talk about you, so just know that.

All waxing is not that bad. If you love smooth skin please do what you feel. If you love the hair that is there bump society and let it stay, heck let it grey. Put it in a ponytail, corn roll it, lock it, and finger wave it. At the end of the day, be happy with hair or without it. Just remember don’t walk into this without knowledge and pain medication oh and a flask. You will need that drink!!!  

 

With love

 

 

Sully’s mom