Dear Society Bite ME!

Everyone has a label; everyone has to fit in a box that can be checked. You are either the blue box, a pink box, small check and stay in the box please. But why do we have fit in?

Let’s face it, some people with some serious body issues have helped design the standards of beauty. I’m not say that those who are in magazine aren’t beautiful. But they damn sure don’t represent all women or just people. I have friends of all shapes, sizes and colors. I got fair skin pear shaped friends, I dark skin apple shaped friends and I got tall, all color friends. I can assure you everyone has a different type of beauty. I personally feel that we have become so infatuated with movies, TV and magazine that we have a distorted idea of what we should look like.

The one thing I have done for years is not care about how someone feels or think about my looks or body. Why? because I freaking love all of it.

When you truly love yourself, I am talking about so in love with you, that someone else is able to see all of your beauty before they speak to you. That is beauty ladies not booty. How do you do this? You ask! Well, I got in front of a mirror years ago and I was a broken 24 years old little girl. Heart broken, emotionally broken, spiritually broken and mentally broken. I had been physically, sexually and emotionally abused and felt like a damaged luggage set. I had so much baggage that I did not know who I was. I did not believe that I could ever be loved. I did not know the first thing about loving me and never imagine that I could love someone else. It was a miserable time in my life. I was in therapy and was slowly finding my voice. But what made my view of me worst, was when I looked around on TV or in a magazine; there was no one that looked like me. Not a chunky girl or even a black woman. NOTHING AT ALL. Not only was I struggling with my own past but now trying to find something or someone to connect with. But that changed with a Children’s movie.

I purchased a movie called Shrek. Don’t judge me okay, I have seen them all. It is a lovely kid’s movie but it was my eye opener to my life. A princess cursed by turning into an ogre at night and to a beautiful princess by day. In the movie someone fell in love with her, and not as the beautiful princess but as the ogre. But that is when he thought she was the most beautiful. She felt damaged and not worthy of love when she was an ogre and he saw her for who she was. She was me, I was her! I was damaged and felt cursed in this body and life, I am probably built like an ogre. A well-dressed and sexy ogre but an ogre. I had endured so much pain in my life that I knew no one would want to love me. But I was so wrong!

I wanted to love me, and I wanted to be happy. I started spending more time talking to myself in the mirror about the things I liked about myself. I started talking to the 4 years old me that was molested by her cousin; and letting her know that was something bad that happened to her and it was not her fault. I started talking to the 11 and 13 years old me that witness the domestic violence in my home. I had to let her know that it was okay to feel sad. But it was not okay to let that stop you from love. I finally had to tell the 24 years old me that I loved her and that she was beautiful. And l fell in love with me. My body and I have an agreement we are work in progress; I take care of her and she takes care of me. I got a few rolls but so does Walmart and it is always packed. I have never had a problem with dating or being married. But the sexiest thing you can every have is love for yourself. And I did!!!

See my lips; Oh GAWD, my lips are like what I imagine are prefect for lipstick modeling. You are going to see it and with every word that bounces off my beautiful full lips you will feel it tango through your ears.

My eyes are like the perfect almond shaped diamonds that can see the soul of the world. When I engage with you; they comfort you like a tender embrace from your mother or a dear one.

I have one dimple and I work that sucker like it is the last credit card I got. Mix that dimple with my smile and baby you gon’need CPR!

The one thing I love the most is the way I interact with people. I love that I am able to talk to anyone, no matter who they are. I want you to feel at home with me and important. That is my proudest and best quality. It was my past and society that destroyed my love for myself and it was an animation that made me realize that Beauty was in the eyes of the ones who love you and not society. Society is not the one who truly cares about you. It can try to force you in a box, but it can’t make you fit there. When I realized that I was lovable because I loved myself, I never felt like I was missing anything in my life. I became my own best friend. When we are honest with ourselves then we are free from our personal burdens. In the end I became the most beautiful ZaKiya Bell-Rogers. I am great with that!!!!

 With Love

Sullybug’s Mom