Tell me please!!!

I am 36 years old and I now mourn the loss of my younger body. She perished due to the constant abuse of lunch buffets (A moment of silence). Oh to my cheerful skin that used to bounced back after weight loss. That skin that was a lovely, golden brown and glowed in the summer sun. Oh how I miss her. I remember my mother looking at her body and grabbing her stomach and saying “ugh where did that come from?” I never knew that the belly that I rubbed when I ate Oreos and burgers would become a can of busted biscuits sitting happily upon these adult toddler thighs.

Dear Fairy god-mother

Where is the handbook for this stage in Life?

I recalled older women saying “oh just wait until you are older you will see”. What are we going to see? No one said what we’re going to see. No one said that one day: You might get hair under your chin, on your chin, on your jawline, sweetie you might wake up with a beard. It will be jet black hair: that once it emerges from your skin it now grows 1 centimeter every 2 hours until you notice it in your car rearview mirror. Side Note! Actually the rearview mirror is where you should do all your plucking it has the best lighting. This hair will be thicker than any hair on your body. Actually I think this hair is really straw or wheat stalks that somehow got into your skin and grows out of your neck. For the life of me I can’t figure this one out and it survives. (horror movie scream)

Gray hair? This hair is directly linked to the hair on your neck and chin. It is the angriest hair in the world. If I had to give it life I would call this your teenager hair. It wants to be seen, to stand out and to be different but still wants to belong. That is why it chooses to be hair. It could have been a mole but it decided I am not that independent to be a mole.  It starts with one hair just randomly placed in your head, you are like oh wow cool. You go to sleep; wake up at age 33 and you have a gray hair for every time you actually had a nickel.  Speaking of nickels, you will never use a nickel size of anything.

You will start using all types of creams, soaps, potions and lotions to help combat the changes of life. There will be anti-wrinkle, anti-crinkle, anti-locking and anti-stretch mark. Oh Stretch marks!!!! Or as I call them “the Google maps to the story of my chunky life.” If you are skinny, chubby, tall, short, medium, dark, light or even alien; you might get them. (I don’t really know about the alien but it could be) You might get them in a house with a mouse, you might get them in a box with a fox and you might get them here or there, you might get them where you put your underwear. But who cares where you get them or how you get them. Find what color looks the best with them and go with it. My flying squirrel arms and stretch marks look great in gold, reds and oranges. Matter of fact eat all the oranges you want as long as they are dipped in chocolate!

You will have so many things to worry about in your young days; please do not over focus on these things. It is just a part of life! If I could have had someone tell me this 16 years ago, I would probably have enough money to send 5 lucky kids to college. Life Happens! And it all happens with you involved and living in it or with you worrying yourself into being old and decrepit. One day you’re going open your medicine cabinet and after 124 tubes of eye, face, neck, wrinkle and hand cream falls out and that one jar of spot removers falls and hits your big toe you’re going to wake up and say…. Ouch! But after that you will say “How much of my time did I waste on things that did not work or need.”

I will tell you to worry less and care more. Have a piece of chocolate for breakfast, walk with your girlfriends after that great meal and conversation at the new restaurant. Stay out and enjoy the rain, play in the snow and play in the leaves. (don’t jump in the leaves after a few days sometimes the dog poops in it I know different blog). Take a mental, physical, emotional health day off of work every quarter. Miss a day of workout (but workout), Skip dinner and go to dessert. Jump rope with a group of girls outside, or if you are uncoordinated watch and encourage them we don’t need broken bones. But whatever you do live!!!! The Best things in life are free Love, Laughter and Friends!!!!

With love

Sullybug’s Mom